What is the worst feeling ever?

 

    When I was a teenager I thought loneliness and the feeling of being alone are the worst things that could be felt by someone. That feeling that you think you want something but you don't know what it is and where on earth you should start looking. These feelings have plagued my earlier years as a teenager, it made me feel angry and frustrated. I was never satisfied even though my high school years were filled with adventures and fun. I want to have something more, something grandeur. I started skipping classes and use my money for my own personal pampering. It made me feel good for a while but at the end of the day it fades away just like the money I spent. Later on, I thought, I could live with loneliness and being alone. So what? I mean, I can handle my own baggage. Screw people! Next thing I thought was, I hate the feeling of being misunderstand and being called a liar when I am not lying, I mean yes, I lie sometimes but not all the times! That made me even angrier. I mean teenagers, right? Most of the people who makes these assumptions are my elders. I hate it when they think they know me when they don't. I hated my mother because I thought, she never understood. That thinking go on for a couple more years and that made my relationship with my family a little bit rocky and my relationship to my friends a little bit tighter. The FRIENDS that knows me for me and accepted me even with my flaws. I must say, I was alright alone but they made it better.

    But as a child grew into a responsible adult. things can change. Responsibilities pulls as from the person that we once were. We won't be the same. Independence will teach us how to understand some of our elders and why some are not always in the right mood and mind. Like, have you ever met someone who always changes his answer whenever you ask the same question over again? And your just " Make up your mind!". The pressure of growing up will catch you sooner or later and it will be hard at first but you'll get by. The key is to find a responsibility that relates to something you love to do and love it more. An when that happens, when you can finally say that you have adjusted to your "adult" life, when you've reached that, you'll feel it you know. The happiness. The longing and craving feeling of satisfaction finally satisfied. And from that moment on, everything will be very busy for you, with all the career building, and self improving you'll be very busy until one day you'll forget something very important. 

    In my case, I remembered that important thing in the worst possible way. And now, I'm thinking that maybe, this is the worst feeling ever. Grief. We get flushed to the things that we need to improve and gain to have a better future that sometimes we lost track of the people that matters. We couldn't find time because our schedules are just too hectic. We can't just move upcoming events to insert time to renew relationships. Then one day I had the courage to do it. To miss one of my schedules. I did it to attend the wake of one of my best friends who just past away. Almost all of us were there. Finally, we had the chance to see each other for so long but then, it's hard to accept that we saw each other again because one of us died. I look at them and see the people who are the reason why I got through the most darkest days of my life and regret the fact that  I haven't clearly express to them how much they mean to me. I have the chance to express it to them now that I it has come to me, well, at least to those who are alive and forever regret the fact that I miss my chance of saying 'thank you' to him.

    I will never know if what is everyone's worst feeling but I learned something. It is the worst feeling because it is meant to teach the most important lessons and to make us remember the good things in life and be grateful.